The enduring idealization of the nuclear family in German society is creating unintended consequences for children navigating increasingly diverse family structures, according to Vienna-based sociologist Ulrike Zartler. While acknowledging the potential for blended families to provide stable and nurturing environments, Zartler cautions against the common practice of joint Christmas celebrations in separated families, arguing it can foster unrealistic hopes of parental reconciliation.
“Many children from divorced families yearn to celebrate Christmas with both parents” Zartler told “Der Spiegel”, “but this can unfortunately fuel fantasies that their parents will reunite”. These lingering desires, she suggests, can be emotionally damaging, hindering a child’s ability to fully accept and move forward from the separation.
Zartler advocates for a different approach, emphasizing the importance of separated parents collaborating on everyday aspects of their children’s lives. Attending school plays, soccer games and other events together, she argues, sends a powerful message: “Both parents still love the child and the child can love both of them in return”. This tangible evidence of parental co-operation, she believes, is far more beneficial than a single, symbolic and potentially misleading Christmas gathering.
The pressure to conform to a traditional family model, a construct Zartler labels a “blip in human history” is deeply entrenched in German culture. Historian Inken Schmidt-Voges, from the University of Marburg, notes that blended family structures were historically commonplace, driven by factors like early parental death and subsequent remarriage. Yet, the idealized “bürgerliche Kernfamilie” (bourgeois nuclear family) persists as a powerful cultural touchstone.
This ideal manifests in various ways, impacting policy and public perception. From depictions in advertising to the language used in political campaigns – where images of a mother, father and two children are frequently employed – the traditional family construct enjoys a disproportionate level of cultural capital. Even seemingly neutral policies, such as parental leave benefits and tax classifications, subtly prioritize families fitting this traditional mold, potentially disadvantaging blended or single-parent households.
Federal Family Minister Karin Prien (CDU) maintains that “children and adolescents need strong families” acknowledging that these can include blended families. While her ministry supports a counseling platform for separated families, offering assistance to blended households, critics argue that such initiatives are merely reactive measures, failing to address the underlying systemic biases embedded within social policies and cultural expectation. The question remains whether the deeply ingrained preference for the traditional family model adequately serves the needs of children growing up in Germany’s increasingly diverse familial landscape.